I did it all for the dinner, the dinner

Ok, so you all know I’m “dating” again right? Well, it’s sorta been really sucking considering I’ve been dealing with the whole anti-social thing.  But alas, I went on a date with some poor sappy fool who I felt bad saying no to, even though I knew I wasn’t “feeling” him. 

Yesterday we went to the Upper West Side for dinner, which was to commence at 6 sharp.  Now, let me start by saying that he lives in Jersey, had train problems and didn’t arrive until about 7:15, I know, not his fault, but fuck him, I WAS ANNOYED. Ok, I tuck that, put it aside and think I’m gonna enjoy this evening out.  Well, MY GOD! I was mortified to be seen with him! Ok, YES, I know what he looked like, I’ve seen pictures.  And YES! I’ve spoken on the phone with him for like 2 weeks, but I knew he wasn’t my cup of tea, yet still, I went.  There really wasn’t anything wrong with him, he just wasn’t what I was into and he was a bit of a guido.  Also, all he kept talking about was the New Jersey Jackpot and Power Ball…. UMMMM…. I REALLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK BUDDY! Yeah, so I scoffed down my food, but mid way through he started talking about going to Central Park after dinner, now I wanted to bail STAT. So I slowed down my eating and told him half way through that I wasn’t gonna be able to.  Since he was an hour plus late, my sitter had things she still needed to do (thank god for the cop out). Sorry buddy. He was dissapointed, but I really didn’t give a crap!

So now dinner is done, check comes and I start putting my scarf on (your girl isn’t trying to waste another second with this dud.)  He wasn’t to pleased I must say.  So here we are on 83rd and Amsterdam and I’m all like “I’m gonna take a cab home because I really have to be there soon” it’s a bit after 8 at this point.  Mind you, the train I need is about 3 blocks away.  So we walk out the door, I give him a quick half-hug and thank him, but what does he do? One, he hugs me for dear life and two, he goes for my lips! WHAT!?!? Can you NOT READ THE SIGNS??! Quickly I give him the cheek and pat his back and say “Uhh, you don’t have to wait around, there is a cab right there” and I pretty much trow myself into on coming traffic!

“Hi, can you take me to the train station on 81st and Central Park West please?” 6 bucks in cab fare later, I’m well fed, done fleeing and on the train heading  home and will NEVER talk to that dud dude again!

You say tomato, I say depression

Heyooooo people!

Once again I’ve been hella late in posting, but THIS time, I’ve got the greatest reason EVERRRR!  You see, your girl right here has been strugglin. Strugglin with kids, time, work, money and whatever else there is to struggle with! I think a better word for it is STRESS! Ahhh, Stress, you bastard! I hate you. Actually I hate you so much that I actually started to HATE ME! and so, I went to a doctor… and guess what?! I got some meds for that too.

I have actually been diagnosed as depressed. HAHA! Nooooo shit. Maybe the warning signs should have come to me a bit earlier, like the weight gain? The countless hours I would spend in bed? The fact that I was hiding from being social? Or the fact that I was flat out losing it with my kids? Ugh… I don’t know, but it was there for a while. Actually, more than a while, about 10 months, but finally boiling to a head in these last 3 months. I couldn’t take it, I’m not one to “talk” with my doctor, I only go to see him when I’m sick and virtually dying, but finally I went and let it all out. I thought it was anxiety honestly, but depression makes so much more sense. 

So I started taking this crazy ass drug and holy GOOD GOD! I feel like I’m peaking on E about 40 minutes after I take it. It was horrible in the beginning. My pupils would dilate, my jaw would clench and I felt like I had to squeeze my eyes shut just to make sure the good ol’ eye balls stayed in! I was nauseous, I was passing out or lying awake at night.  But here I am on the second week with it, and making sure I’m well fed, hydrated and figuring out the best time to pop seems to be the key to not having all these side effects. My spirits have been pretty good AND I can notice a very high level of tolerance in regards to the kids that was missing for quite sometime.

In addition to this, I’m on other meds to balance out my hormones since I am a PCOS sufferer.  Birth control and Metformin are playing a role in getting that taken care of.  I really need to get back to exercising regularly again and then all should be well! Haaay!

Down side to the anti-depressant? No puffing. ::sigh::

A Walmart moment to remember

This past Sunday after a wild weekend of kid related parties and not enough booze; me and the brood headed out to the burbs for a day of shopping with Grams.  The day started like any other, except that I was EXTRA clumsy.

After heading to the mall for various items (Macy’s had amazing sales!) We schlepped on over to Walmart for toys and other items that are so underpriced my “Jew” heart sings!  And if you know the glory that is Walmart you also know that you can get lost in there for hours, so after quite some time, my mother and daughter go to the restroom. Little did I know, that when they came back to me, my life would be changed forever……

My daughter, the one who this very month, almost 12 years ago was placed in my arms for the very first time, received her first rite of passage to being a woman. Did you hear that!? A WOMAN??! ::sigh:: She is a girl! My. Baby. Girl. And now, because puberty says so, SHE can reproduce…..! (just writing this has brought tears to my eyes) It is such a devastating moment. I remember my mother being proud, even excited while she called EVERYONE! Not me.  Nope. I stood in the doggy aisle (picking out a toy for the only daughter I have that still plays with them) with my mouth on the floor.  Here is how it happened.

They arrive back in the aisle they left us in:

Grams: (smirking) Zoe, are you gonna tell her?
Me: looking at Zoe
Zoe: (head down cheesy, embarrassed smile on her face) No Grams, you tell her.
Me: MOM! What?!…….. OMG. Did she get her period??!
Mom: (blushing and super big smile) Ask her what happened.
ME: Zo?
Zoe: Yes mommy. (head down)

Now, as I said, my mouth dropped and it stayed there for quite a while (I’m pretty sure my mom had to close it for me), I started crying, the boys were running around like hillbillies in a hay field and I lost any interest in buying the dog a toy.  After the shock subsided we went to the feminine care isle and I had to buy something I haven’t bought in YEARS! (I’m a tampon woman myself) I eventually text her Godmother to tell her, feeling very much like she WILL understand the devastation that I was feeling, and I was right. She understood….. three days after the fact and we are still saying “I can’t believe our baby has her period.”

The one amazing thing that came out of this whole horrifying story is our car ride home.  Zoe had tons of questions for me, all of which I had answered freely (as I always do with my children) and after a few moments of silence, driving down the highway, she turned to me and said “Mommy, you’re so much more than a mom, you’re totally my best friend too….” and with that, the water works began again.

Die Antwood

I’ve seen this South African group posted on two separate blogs today and since then, I’ve been a little obsessed with them and way beyond entertained…..

This is by far my favorite video that I’ve come across today.  Take a gander and lemme know your thoughts! Yeah!

Google gods, I love you

And it’s not only for your everyday use, but I LOVE your homepage homage.

Have you ever had an elephant in the room?

The secret is out, I have children…  and I have my hands full with them.  But one in particular has been kind of my major focus for a while now.  My middle child, Xavier a/k/a the Sweet Son had been diagnosed with ADHD back in October. 

After years of wondering why his behavior was out of control.  After him being in 2 different kind of group therapies in school.  After taking him for an evaluation (only for them to conclude it was separation anxiety from the ‘break-up’) and more therapy outside of the school I finally had him evaluated at Schniders Childrens Hospital (an affiliate of LIJ).  The conclusion of forms filled out by me, his physician and his teacher were conclusive, the psychologist said; “He falls into the standard ADHD category.” 

At the same time she had recommended that I suggest the schools psychologist do an evaluation that would include his various teachers and faculty that deal with him on a daily basis as well as the on site Occupational therapist.   After about 90 days the eval was complete and I attended a meeting with all involved.  Again, the evidence was conspicuous, my son was struggling. It was something that I had known, but I guess I needed to have these stacks of paper work in my hands to see. 

The boy is bright.  Actually, the boy is beyond bright.  He is a 7 year old second grader, the youngest in his class with a reading level at 5th grade!  Math is a little behind, but at grade level.  The problem is that he is impulsive, it’s hard for him to focus, he becomes discouraged and he also suffers low self-esteem because his impulses have made him a bit of an out cast…. Heart breaking, I know.

So what could be done for him? Well, they could put him in a smaller class (a/k/a Special Ed) so he can get more one on one time.  However, I was against that and relieved when they said that they wouldn’t do it anyway because both his grades and self-esteem would take even bigger hits.  They could give him tutoring in Math twice a week in school as well as three days after school (something I’m all for!) AND they will give him occupational therapy twice a week as well to build his ‘trunk strength’ and help him with his ‘cross motor skills’.  YAY! We are on the road to recovery, but we aren’t there just yet…..

I had to make the brutally painful decision to help my son, not only with tutoring, or the various therapies he’s receiving, but also to give medication a chance.  To help him with his impulse control.  To help him focus.  Hence, the Elephant.  Yesterday, we got our first prescription filled.  I have been staring at this little bottle with tears in my eyes for hours upon hours. 

I’m still so torn, but I just don’t want him to be a social outcast if something is out of his control.

I’m gaga for GaGa!

Ok people, I’ve been known to have a cheesy side to me when it comes to well, EVERYTHING, but I listen to a lot of popular music due to the kiddies and I have to say, very early on GaGa was someone I fell for.  However, it took me FOR.EVERRRR. to admit this!

People! She is A-Maze-Balls! (thanks Perez) I mean, lets discuss the facts:

1- she genuinely is talented
2- she gives a phenomenal live show
3- she has numerous outfit changes
4- She has NO problems dressing like she should be part of the upcoming Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland
 and finally; Bitch is just Ca’raaaazaaaay!!

Now, while her music is not my normal flow, it’s catchy and I can definitely do a dancey dance to it!

I’m on a mission

I have recently decided to give the online dating community a chance.  While I’m pretty caught up with the kids and I don’t get that much free time, unless I’m going out to eat with my girlfriends or running over to their houses, I’m home.  So how does one meet a guy that way??

Anyway, I joined a site called Plentyoffish, 1- because it came recommended by a friend and 2- because I thought the name was cute.  So far, while I’ve spoken to a few guys via email or text I have only actually met one guy.  The experience was cool. If you follow me on Twitter, he was always referred to as ‘new boy’.  Those 3 1/2 weeks were the longest ‘relationship’ I’ve had in a year. haha! Boooooring year huh? While I always have a posse of ‘old boys’ that I can depend on, I really wouldn’t say that any of them were considered a ‘relationship’ (and really neither was ‘new boy’) but, alas, I actually went through the motions of getting to know him and getting comfortable with him, ultimately to find out that while we had a lot in common, I really wasn’t interested.  I thought he kinda had some issues and his life wasn’t together, and if you all know my EX, you know, I’m not into the dude, who is still ‘getting it together’.  It seems so complex, this dating thing and this is exactly why I get annoyed with doing it.  It’s like Groundhogs Day, except I’m the lead character and Bill Murry has actually moved on……  ::sigh::

So, where does that leave me now? I guess I’m back in the pond.

Holidays

I’m not exactly sure when the holidays made the transition from being light and fun to heavy and sad.  But this is what I’m faced with for the second year in a row.  I can certainly say that it isn’t the lack of the “father\husband” in the festivities.  But more so I think my whole family made such a complete overhaul and we are no longer spending the time together that we once did.  And when we are together there are the little whispers everywhere you turn.  I know that for a lot of families that is normal, but for my family we didn’t behave like that for years.  Bottom line, we remained untainted.  While so many felt the need to drink and pop Xanex when they got together with their families, I never felt like that.  We never felt like that.  But life changes, people change, times, circumstances, relationships, they all change. 

I miss the good old days.  When it was simple.  When we had dance offs in the garage, when we sang Dolly Parton Christmas songs with balloons under our shirts, when there were so many helping hands in the kitchen you had to throw people out.  Mostly, I miss being at the “kid” table…..

 

Nothing says “Dirty ol’ lady” like drooling over this does….

Now, my daughter is Team Jacob ALL THE WAY! and I’m *only* Team “shirtless” Jacob.  It’s so weird when you and your 11 year old are crushing on the same guy…. ::sigh::